


Turn Around - A Man Down Series Finale

by Cajun_girl_stacie



Category: Man Down (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:41:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28175589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cajun_girl_stacie/pseuds/Cajun_girl_stacie
Summary: A conclusion to the Man Down series by Greg Davies.
Relationships: Mike Wozniak, Roisin Conaty/Greg Davies





	Turn Around - A Man Down Series Finale

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in a screen play format. This is how I envisioned the Man Down Series ending. Since Greg Davies is working on another show, I will assume he is not coming back to this one and I felt the characters needed closure. Please know that I am not a comedian but I did my best to stay true to the characters and the tone of the series. Also, I am from the US and not the UK, so if I used terms inappropriately, I apologize. I do hope that you enjoy it. :)

SEASON FINALE (2017)  
INT – Jail – 6 months later

Dan is sitting behind Plexi Glass. His mom, Jo, Mike and Ally

DAN  
You gotta get me out of here!

ALLY  
Honestly, you are a Dickhead.  
*************************************************************************************

SERIES FINALE – PART I (2021)  
“Turn Around”

INT – Jail

Dan is sitting behind Plexi Glass, he has a bandana wrapped around his head and a tear drop under his eye. His mom, Jo, Mike and Ally are on the other side of the partition.

MIKE  
Good Lord Mate. What happened to you?

POLLY  
Good Heavens! Are you warm enough? Do you have enough to eat? Wait…Did you get a tattoo?

JO  
All the bad asses in Jail get them. 

DAN  
Jail changes a man….you have no idea what it is like in here.

MIKE  
You have literally been in jail for 2 days.

DAN  
There are real bloody criminals in here. When are you going to get me out?  
It was an honest mistake! 

While Dan is narrating the story, cut to a scene of Dan and Samuel at the park getting ready to ride the train. Samuel is in a pram and there is a matching pram right next to it. Dan stoops down to tie his shoe and a huge goose comes waddling up to him. Dan slowly looks the goose in the eye and he knows he is going to be attacked. He mistakenly takes off running with the wrong pram as the goose is flying and pecking at him.

DAN  
We were at Cassiobury park so I could take Samuel to ride the train. I bent down to tie my shoe and a huge goose started attacking me out of nowhere. I had to run for my life. I thought that I grabbed Samuel, but it was the wrong bloody pram.

Everyone is shaking their head in disbelief. As this can only happen to Dan.

DAN  
I brought the brat back, didn’t I?

POLLY  
Really dear, You should have paid more attention.

DAN  
Listen you shriveled up prune. I was being chased by a goose!  
What was I supposed to do? Sit down and invite him to tea?

Dan mimics pouring a cup of tea from a pot.

DAN cont..  
Would you care for a scone with your tea? Christ Sake.

MIKE  
Calm down Dan. We are all here to help.

Dan puts his heads in his hands.

DAN  
I need to get out of here! I’ve got to see Emma and talk to her. 

MIKE  
I have already talked to the attorneys and they think we can get the charges  
dropped as soon as tomorrow. 

POLLY  
It’s all going to be fine dear. Now go wash that thing off your face.

INT-JAIL

Dan is being released from Jail. He is gathering up all his belongings. Mike is there as usual to drive him home.

DAN  
Thanks, Mate. This has been a bloody nightmare.

MIKE  
You can probably wash that tear drop off your face now.

DAN  
Tried. It’s permanent marker. No worries, it will be off soon enough.

MIKE  
At least remove the bandana.

OUT-Parking lot – Jail

DAN  
It’s good to be a free man!

MIKE  
Again, it was only 2 days.

DAN  
Mike, I’ve been thinking. I’m going to ask Emma to marry me.

MIKE  
What?!

DAN  
I want us to be a family. I want Simon to have a mum and dad in the same house  
like I grew up in.

MIKE  
Do you love her?

DAN  
Well..I like her a lot. Besides, I’m a dad and I have to be responsible and do what is best for Simon.

MIKE  
Are you sure this is what you want to do? Marriage is a big commitment.

DAN  
(hesitates) Yes, Yes I’m sure. 

OUT-Emma’s parents House. Her Dad answers the door and is less than thrilled to see them.

MR LIPSEY  
I see you’re out of jail. What is that on your face?

Dan tries to cover it up unsuccessfully with his shirt sleeve.

DAN  
It’s a mole. Can I see Emma, please?

Mr. Lipsey begrudgingly lets Dan and Mike into the house.

EMMA  
Dan, I’m glad you’re out of jail but once again you endangered our son.

DAN  
I know, I know. But I’ve been doing some thinking and I think we should get married.

Emma stares at him like he has lost his mind.

MR LIPSEY  
Over my dead body!

Mrs. Lipsey faints and Mr. Lipsey rushes to her aide.

EMMA  
You want ME to marry YOU. Surely you are joking.

DAN  
I’m am not. Hear me out. 

Dan gets down on one knee. Mrs. Lipsey who has just come to, faints again. Mr. Lipsey is fanning her and he is sweating and turning red.  
DAN cont… 

I think Simon should have a home with a mum and a dad in it. I bought a flat and I’m back working at the school. You could stay home with Simon. I think we can give it a go. Come on, whad’ya say?

Dan suddenly realizes that he has not bought a ring. He starts searching his pockets and comes up with a lifesaver. He starts sucking on it really fast to try and melt it so he can put it on her hand.

EMMA  
What are you doing? Never mind all that. 

EMMA looks apologetically at her parents. Takes a deep breath and squares her shoulders. Resolute that she will find a way to make it work for Simon’s benefit.

EMMA cont.  
I think we should give it a go. For Simon.

Both of her parents are now passed out on the floor. Dan gets up and gives her a tentative kiss on the cheek and a pat on the arm.

DAN  
This is going to be great. Just great.

INT – BOB’S CAFÉ

Dan, Jo and Mike are discussing the wedding. Shakira comes up to the table. 

SHAKIRA  
What d’ya want?

DAN  
I’ll just have some tea. Shakira, I am going to be a married man.

Shakira shrugs her should and walks behind the counter screaming for Bob. 

JO  
I have an idea for the wedding ceremony. We could turn the wedding into a huge discotech with strobe lights and get DJ Peter and…..

MIKE  
No, absolutely not. This is not time for one of your crazy ideas. This is  
Dan and Emma’s wedding and should be simple and sweet.

DAN  
Jo, I appreciate the ideas but we are just going to go to a justice of the peace and it’s going to be very simple.

JO  
But Dan. I’ve got a great idea for me Bridesmaids dress….

DAN  
You can discuss dresses and the like with Emma. Mike, you’re my best mate. Will you be my best man?

Mike is deeply touched and gets a little teary. They hug awkwardly.

MIKE  
Thanks Dan. It would be my honor. As your best man we have things we need to get done. I think we should leave and go get the marriage license and ring.

DAN  
Right. Jo, you comin’?

JO  
Nah, me and Mickey two face have some things to take care of. 

MIKE  
See you later then. Off we go.

Dan and Mike leave and you can see Jo suddenly lose her exuberance. In the notebook in front of her is some sketches of a wedding dress and a photo of her and Dan. Shakira comes up and glances at the notebook. Puts a hand on her shoulder and for once, offers kindness.

SHAKIRA  
You should tell the big dumb one how you feel.

JO  
No, I’m not going to ruin this for him. He is my best mate and I want him and Simon to be happy.

OUT. CAR – DAY

Mike and Dan are in the car on the way to the courthouse. Dan is admiring a small gold band that he picked out for Emma.

DAN  
Do you think she is going to like it? 

MIKE  
The ring? Sure she will. I’m gonna ask again. You sure about this? I mean really sure? 

DAN  
It’s what I have to do. It’s the right thing to do and for once, I’m going to do whatever is necessary for my son.

MIKE  
Dan…..

They arrive at the courthouse and see mayhem unfolding. There are zoo animals all over the parking lot and circus performance trying to wrangle animals.

MIKE  
What is the name of God is going on here?

DAN  
I dunno but I need to get in that courthouse.

Dan gets out of the car and starts trying to find a way to the courthouse steps around the animals.  
Dan spots what appears to be the Ring Master.

DAN  
What’s this about? 

RING MASTER  
There was a screw up with the permit and now they won’t give it to us. We are occupying the street until they give it to us! Keep your eyes open. There is a crazy lady running around here releasing the animals.

He spots a familiar figure standing atop a carriage with a zebra in it. Mickey two face is on the ground below her. They are both dressed as circus performers. Jo is the bearded lady and Mickey Two face has on fake muscles and a handle bar mustache.

JO  
Free the animals! Save the animals!

DAN  
Oy! What the hell are you doing up there?

JO  
I’m saving the animals. They don’t belong in the circus. They need to be free!

Upon hearing the word free…Mickey releases the latch to the carriage and the zebra starts backing out and kicks Dan in the face. He flies backwards and falls to the ground. He now has a huge hoof print on his forehead.

JO  
Dan, Dan….You ok?

DAN  
Christ my head hurts. Don’t just stand up there. Come help me up.

Jo scrambles down from the top of the carriage and goes to help Dan

JO  
You’re bleeding. You should probably go to A&E.

DAN  
No, I need to get my marriage license.

He tries taking a few steps and falls down again. Just then Mike shows up.

MIKE  
What in the world happened here?

JO  
He was kicked by a zebra and now he is bleeding. He needs a doctor.

MIKE  
He was kicked by what? Never mind. Help me get him to the car.

Jo and Mike walk Dan back to the car. On the hood of Mike’s car is a huge steaming pile of elephant poo.

MIKE  
Oh, this is great, Just great! There is SHIT on my car!

JO  
Calm down. It will wash off. Animals need to poo like everyone else.

MIKE  
But on my car?!

Dan starts to pass out and mumbles incoherently. 

JO  
Let’s get Dan in the car and go.

Jo & mike struggle to get Dan in the backseat. They put him in with his legs hanging out of the window.  
Mike drives and Jo jumps in the passage seat. They drive out of the parking lot and the poo starts blowing into the windshield.

MIKE  
Christ!

Mike turns on the windshield wiper and it does nothing but smear the dung on the windshield. He can’t see well and suddenly realizes he is fixing to hit someone in a crosswalk. He takes a sharp turn and the rest of the dung flies off the hood of the car into two ladies standing in the corner. Jo and Mike both look over and realize it is Emma & her mom with her wedding dress and mother of the bride dress in hand. There is dung all over them and the dresses. Jo slides low in the seat.

JO  
Drive Mike, Drive!!

SERIES FINALE – PART II  
“Turn Around”  
OUT. CAR - DAY  
Dan is driving in his beater car with Simon in a baby seat in the back. He is dressed in an ill fitting grooms tux. Simon is also wearing a mini grooms tux. Dan has 2 black eyes and a hoof print on his forehead from the zebra. He is traveling on a very narrow muddy lane surrounded by deep ditches on both sides.  
DAN  
Don’t worry we will make it to the church on time. We have to mate. This is  
our last chance to get things right.  
The car is bouncing around from the pot holes in the road. Suddenly Dan slams on his breaks and comes  
to a screeching halt. There is a spotted cow in the middle of the road.

DAN  
For Christ Sake. What is it now?

Dan leans his upper half of his body out of the car window. Exasperated he starts shouting.

DAN  
Oy! Move you blasted cow.

The cow is not in a hurry to move at all and stands stock still looking at him. Dan gets out of the  
car, takes off his jacket and throws it in the car. He aggressively starts to approach the cow, flailing  
his arms around trying to get it to move. The cow looks him dead in the eye and starts to charge.  
The cow chases Dan around the car several times before Dan dives head first through the window to get back into the car. He does not quite make it through the window and gets his ass head butted by the cow and it rips the seat of his tux. The cow then makes his way casually off to the side.

DAN  
Fucking Cow! I don’t believe this!

Dan struggles to put his jacket back on but its no use. He throws it back onto the seat next to him, starts the car and starts going down the road again. He sees a construction sign that says “Turn Around”. He pays no mind and goes around the barricades anyway believing that this is the short cut to get to the church on time.

He goes a little further and then see a mirage on the side of the road of his late father. (I am making an assumption that some CGI Wizardry can happen here. I felt it was important to the story to include Rik in the ending)

DAN  
Dad….Is that you?

Dan gets out of the car and goes to stand next to the mirage of his Dad.

RIK  
Turn around son.

DAN  
But Dad, I’m on my way to the church to get married. You would  
be so proud of me. I’m becoming the man you have always wanted me to be.  
I’m trying to be responsible here and you’re telling me to turn around? 

RIK  
Turn around son.

DAN  
I don’t understand. I have a baby now and I’m going to marry his  
Mum and we are going to be a family, just like on the Twister Box.

Rik says nothing further but points him back in the opposite direction. Dan, head down, silently  
gets back into the car. He looks in the rearview mirror at his son.

DAN  
That was my Dad. You never got to meet him. He wants me to turn around.  
What do you think we should do? 

Simon throws a rattle at his head and his head hits the window. Hard enough to make him black out for a few seconds. In his blacked out state he sees images of him laughing and smiling and having fun with Jo. He snaps awake and has the sudden realization that he does not need or want to be married to Emma. It’s been Jo all along.

DAN  
Hold on Simon. We are turning around.

Instead of making a huge u-turn, the road is so narrow that he has to do a 6 point turn in the road.

INT. Church – Evening.

Polly and Nesta arrive at the church along with Mike and Ally

Polly  
Well, I guess this is it. He’s really going to do it. I never thought I would see it happen but my boy is getting married.

Nesta  
To the wrong woman and you and I both know it. The boy does not have  
the sense God gave a goose.

Polly  
(sighs) I suppose we should go find Emma and see if she needs anything,

Polly and Nesta go into the church and Mike offers his arm to Ally to escort her in. She gives him a small peck on the cheek and they enter.

Polly and Nesta enter the room where Emma and her mom are getting dressed. The gown is a little worse for the wear. It is off colored instead of white. Polly puts a handkerchief up to her nose and Nesta starts fanning herself.

Nesta  
It smells like my barn in here! Somebody light a candle!

Cut to a scene of Mike and Ally in the confessional making out like two teenagers. 

INT. JO’S SHOP – Evening  
Dan limps into the shop with Samuel in his arms. Jo is in the shop in the most voluminous, hideous rainbow-colored bridesmaid dress you have ever seen. She also has a hat with a bride and groom statue on a small cake.  
JO  
Dan, what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at your wedding?

DAN  
Shouldn’t you be at the church too? You’re my best mate and a bridesmaid.

JO  
Something came up with Mickey 2 face and I couldn’t leave the shop.  
You should go. You will be late for your own wedding.

Jo starts physically pushing Dan and Samuel out of the shop.

DAN  
Wait, Wait just a bloody minute. I came to tell you that I am not marrying Emma. I finally realized that my relationships never worked out  
because they weren’t you.

JO  
And because you’re a wanker.

Dan nods his head in agreement and moves closer to Jo.

DAN  
Look at me Love. I’m serious here. I love you.

Baby Samuel reaches out and touches her face.

DAN  
We both love you. We need you, as much as I think you need us.

Jo starts to tear up and pulls a clowns never ending handkerchief from the chest of her gown

JO  
I love you too. I just didn’t want to stand in the way of  
you marrying Samuel’s mum and having your twister family.

DAN  
I can still have my family. WE can be a family.

Dan leans in to give Jo a kiss. In the midst of the kiss Samuel takes a huge smelly dump. They both start gagging.

DAN  
This time it wasn’t me.

JO  
Oh God, what did you feed him?

They both walk out to the car arm in arm. Jo starts changing Samuels diaper

JO  
What about Emma?

DAN  
I’m sure she will understand.

Cut to an image of Emma running out of the church as fast as she can into a waiting car driven by her mom and dad.

OUT- CAR- Evening

JO  
I was thinking that we could put a twin bed in Samuel’s room for Mickey  
Two face. He’s really good with kids ya know. He use to work on a farm  
and bottle feed cows.

DAN  
Wait, what? Absolutely not, out of the question. And Samuel is not a cow.

JO  
You can’t expect me to take care of Sam and run the shop without  
some help. It will be fun. Like a full on sleep over, except all the time.  
(excited gasp) We could all get matching pajamas.

DAN  
Oh for fuck’s sake……

They continue traveling down the road with Jo chatting away.

The END


End file.
